Mayor Daley's Announcement Falls 'Flat'

What did you see as you watched Mayor Daley announce his retirement yesterday? I witnessed a stranger. Daley was flat and scripted. I challenge the news media to find a clip of Mayor Daley being stoic and reading from a script. He abandoned his normal passionate communication style for a tightly controlled delivery of a message that sent tremors across the nation. The result of his ‘speak no evil’ presentation leaves us empty. Not a typical emotion after a Daley press conference. No jokes about how good his golf game will get, or quips about his wife chasing him out from under foot. His face was drawn, the family sad and yet all he really said was, I quit. It is difficult to know what his goal was. But as a student of communication I am curious what emotion he worked so hard to control. The possibilities are endless.

Communication is Communication: Night or day

Did you hear? President Obama appeared on The View yesterday. Now people are weighing in on whether the President made the right decision to appear in this type of format. What a hoot – this is just an attempt to discredit his appearance by snooty mainstream media and Rosie O’Donnell worried about their coveted lock on the President’s public appearances.

Mr. Obama does not need to speak to the nation through CNN, FOX, MSNBC or Larry King. Communication is communication at night or during daytime. And there is no denying he is a master. It is not like he showed up at the “Bunny Ranch.” Leaders need to adapt to tools at hand to elucidate their policies and personalities to the American Public. The President has been criticized lately for his demeanor during formal press conferences, so the Administration is getting creative, exploring alternative media sources and trying to gain back some of his likeability. I suggest the naysayers do the same – adapt.

Word Choices Matter

Mark Twain once wrote, “The difference between the right word and the wrong word is the difference between lightning and lightning bug.” Unfortunately, Mr. Twain’s words apparently did not make it to the eyes or ears of Carl-Henric Svanberg, the current Chairman of BP. On June 16th, Mr. Svanberg upset residents of the Gulf Coast when he told reporters, “I hear comments sometimes that large oil companies are greedy companies or don't care, but that is not the case with BP. We care about the small people.”

Granted, Mr. Svanberg’s first language is not English, so criticism of his “small people” comment might be unwarranted, but nevertheless, what is important for Mr. Svanberg and all corporate executives to understand, is that word choices matter. In fact, a recent study published in Health Communication, a scientific journal on healthcare communications, shows how the use of subtle word choices can influence and persuade the behavior of an individual without changing the meaning of the message.

If BP wants to survive the backlash of their numerous PR gaffes, they need to start becoming more sensitive with the choice of words they use to convey their messages. With their stock prices down nearly 50% in the last two months, they better hope it is not too late.

My Thoughts on The Tiger Apology Part 1

As a communication expert, the Tiger Woods media statement today provided much to dissect. As a student of human behavior, there is much to discuss. As a human being, there is a great deal to ponder. 

Let’s first ponder the human behavior, then we can get to how well or poor he did communicating his message. 

Time heals all (or at least fades the scar) and in ten years (or much less) Tiger will have his fans, his contracts, his children, some semblance of his family and his community back in order. So how about doing some good in the mean time? Instead of having a nationally televised pity party or pulling the covers over your head back at rehab (which by the way is not one of the “normal rules” that “everyone” else lives by. Everyone else who sleeps with dogs (metaphorically speaking that is- I am sure they were all very nice girls) has to think about what they have done AND go back to work.) how about getting out there in front of all those “kids all around the world who admired” you and discuss the practicalities of your, uh, experience. Instead of saying you will now “become a better person” get out there and warn others against the same fate. 

I once read that to be called a hypocrite was not necessarily a bad thing. An alcoholic espousing the dangers of drinking is possibly more convincing than the warnings of a tea drinker. A reformed ‘mean girl’ might have more credibility with a group of teenagers than the high school counselor. So Tiger, I say to you in a country where most everyone believes that infidelity is the wrong way to go, yet one out every two married couples (or 1/3 or 1/4) has a cheater in it, why not become the poster man for ‘why not to be like me’. Make this your last appearance of public self-flagellation. Stop asking for our help (although using the ‘theory of reciprocity’ is a good communication strategy) and telling people that there is no good end for breaching another’s trust. Thus instead of saving yourself, which is what your statement was clearly meant to do, you might just save somebody else. 

I hope Tiger did good for himself today. And if the purpose of his statement was to do good for others, I hope that happens as well. But as a mere mortal who lives along side Tiger and millions of other imperfect people, here is what I wish he had said. ‘I have made a royal mess. My actions have had a huge and disastrous rippling affect. I have lost the trust of my mom, my wife, my children. My friends are mad at me for having affairs or for getting caught. My fans are disillusioned. My sponsors are holding on to their wallets. Disloyalty breeds disloyalty. I feel like worm slime. My own actions have made me lie, cry, gravel, plead, and that is just the speak able. I am telling you this today because for years I was a role model for what to strive for in life. I now stand before the same family, friends, fans, employees, fellow players and strangers to say, don’t do what I did. Use my actions and the consequences as a warning for what can happen to you and everything you touch if you “run through the boundaries” of your own values.’ 

Tiger should now keep still. Be true to his promise not to talk about details. No Oprah, no Barbara, no SNL to up his image. So, he did the deed (several times) along with millions of other men and women. That makes him a member of a not-so-special club. If he can make his actions result in something good, for society at large, then he will be special again. 

On Monday, I will blog on Tiger's use of specific language in the speech and then later in the week, I will cover Tiger's nonverbal communication.  In the meantime, tell me your thoughts on his media statement. 

Elevatiquette

Guest blog by Alan Tuerkheimer

Is there unwritten etiquette that one must adhere to in a public elevator? Elevator rides are unlike anything else in our daily routines. We share very limited space with others for a brief period. Sometimes we know someone on the elevator, other times we know no one. There are so many variables that come into play, but it seems like the norm that if you don’t know anyone, you either look up or down. If you recognize someone maybe a small comment about the weather. Recent observations make me think people interact more on Friday’s than on Monday’s. Friday everyone is happy about the end of the week, Monday suggests misery loves company.

My favorite is when people are talking on an elevator, and another person or persons get on. It typically affects any interaction that was taking place among those already on the elevator. People riding the train tend not to engage in idle chit chat, but why is it okay to make a comment about the weather to a stranger on the elevator? Why is it less likely you will say something to that person when he or she is on an elevator with people they know? Maybe people who constantly ride elevators during work hours or at night in high rises never get away from the comfort of familiar anonymity. Maybe subconsciously we are aware our personal space is being invaded by strangers and for a few seconds we have no place to go.

People say that when you’re not doing anything, like sleeping, you’re still communicating. So we are always communicating, even when you want no one to notice you in the crowded elevator.

Where are the Great Women Orators?

Turning over my keyboard this week to ZMF colleauge Bill Grimes. Who would make your list of great female orators? Comment below and let us hear your list. Talk to you soon ... TZ

There are, and have been, great orators who happen to be women; Susan B. Anthony, Margaret Thatcher, Barbara Jordan, Hillary Clinton, to name a few. But male orators, past and present, far outnumber the women. Historian Philip Gavin’s Great Speeches Collection lists sixty-five speeches – three were given by women. University of Texas at Tyler Communications Professor Michael Eidenmuller’s list of the 100 greatest speeches has a better ratio than Gavin’s, but still just twenty-one were delivered by women.

Poll your friends and you will likely find what I did. Out of thirty-seven “great speakers” named by a dozen friends, two were women. Even most of the women named all men.

Under “Orator” in Wikipedia you will find that “the leading Roman families often sent their sons” to study under Greek masters. Why not their daughters? The great Greek philosophers – Aristotle, Socrates, Plato – were all of the male persuasion. This predilection for testosterone over estrogen continued for hundreds of years. Betty Rizzo, author of “Male Oratory and Female Prate” wrote, “Throughout the eighteenth century, while male rhetoric was almost universally, perhaps unprecedentedly, valued and studied, women’s silence was almost universally commended, recommended, and virtually enforced.”

The recognition of women orators lags that of racial minorities. The inspirational leaders of the Civil Rights Movement such as Martin Luther King fed off a Black religious tradition of several centuries. Max Atkinson, author of “Our Master’s Voices,” says there were no such obvious models for females leading into the women’s movement.”

The lack of women orators also boils down to the standard obstacles: familiarity, custom, preference for a deep voice, and sexism. You can’t dismiss the fact that most of the lists of great speeches were made by men.

Bill Grimes is a communication professional with more than thirty years of experience, the last eighteen of which have been at ZMF. His expertise as a communication consultant is built upon more than fifteen years as a broadcast journalist. Bill is frequently invited to speak about persuasive communication, media training and media crisis management.

More Thoughtless Communication

Maybe my age is showing with my increased sensitivity to insensitivity. President Richard Levin of Yale was quoted in the New York Times this morning saying that he wrote an email to the Yale community stating “our hearts go out to Annie Le’s family, fiancé and friends, who must suffer the additional ordeal of waiting for the body to be identified.”

For you regulars, you may recall a few weeks ago when I blasted a local industrial company for "announcing" a death as if it were a second moon landing. Could President Levin have found more appropriate language than "the body"? What pray tell is his training? Apparently not sensitivity.

Let me hear from every non-Ivy League educated reader (not that there is anything wrong with that) with a better version of the message he should have sent.

Insensitive-Inconsiderate-Down Right Thoughtless

Rarely does poor communication cause outrage. But last week I received the ANNOUNCEMENT below via email.

XYZ COMPANY
CORPORATE OFFICE

DEATH NOTICE

DATE

We are sorry to announce the death of Sam Jones, Age 22, son of Fred Jones, Vice President, Finance. He is survived by his parents, Fred and Sally, and three sisters, Mary, Jane and Cindy.

Visitation will be held on DATE from TIMES with a memorial service to follow at 7:00 p.m. at:

LOCATION
ADDRESS

Interment will be private.

The family has requested that in lieu of flowers donations be made to:
NAME
ADDRESS

The Jones Family thanks everyone for their kind thoughts and prayers.

Signed,
Mr. CEO

The names are changed to protect the innocent…and the guilty. If you ever needed an example of poor, no, worse than poor, offensive corporate communication, this is it. There are so many communication don’ts; it is difficult to know where to begin. Most of you are probably already aghast and I need write no more. However, for the few who are not seeing the obvious, I continue. Additionally, anyone who works for a company that would communicate such a sensitive matter in this manner should print this blog and tender it to your CEO.

Most importantly we do not ‘announce’ a person’s death. We inform or tell or let you know or notify or make you aware. Just a brief peek at your online Thesaurus will present a myriad of words to work with. This posting has no offer of condolences to the family, friends or coworkers except one ‘sorry’ which is used as an adjective to modify the verb ‘are’ which modifies the verb ‘announce’. So apparently what they are sorry about is the ‘announcement’? It is just plain cold. No personal thought or effort went into this ‘announcement’.

How did this happen? One, it is the way it has always been done. The corporate headquarters says cavalierly, it has been “company policy for 40 years!” which means that no one on the team is thinking about how to communicate a ‘death notice’? Two, no one is thinking about it because it does not affect the company EBITDA. Three, there will be little or no honest feedback from the several hundred employees who will view the death notice on their email or the break room bulletin board because in a day or two it won’t matter. Four, most people will view it as cold, or neutral at best. Because they are not trained in subtleties of communication, it won’t feel right, but they will not be able to explain why.

From the company’s perspective, this is a missed opportunity to show that it has a caring side to it. In this particular case, the tragic death of the 22-year-old son of a long-time executive employee, known personally to the CEO (signee of the ANNOUNCEMENT) leaves the communication rife with possibilities. But, let’s for learning sake, say it is a line worker who no one but a handful of coworkers knew personally. It is still bewildering that this would be how a company would want its character to show up. Let’s write a possible replacement for this less than gracious posting. And maybe before ‘Fred’ comes back to work next week someone will have the decency to re-post or at least tear down the one on the lunchroom wall.

NOTICE OF ZMF EMPLOYEE FAMILY DEATH

This week, ZMF team member, Vice President of Finance, Fred Jones lost his 22-year-old son, Sam Jones, to a fatal accident. We at ZMF send our thoughts and/or prayers to Fred, his wife Sally and Sam’s sisters Mary, Jane and Cindy.

Fred will be out for the next few days tending to his family. Messages can be left for Fred on his email, F@zmf.com or on his company voice mail, extension 123.

Visitation for Sam will be held…. Etc.

This took me about five minutes or less. It could be better and it could be tailored to the specific personality of the company. “Forty years” of refinement should turn out a perfect piece. In today’s economy and political climate where the average person is looking at corporate America with a jaundiced eye to begin with, one would believe that CEOs would care more about visible compassion. It may be a challenge to appear genuinely empathetic in communication surrounding a layoff or plant closing but this…come on suits!

Conquering Stage Fright

zBlog Readers: Looking around our offices, I thought it was high time that I share the knowledge of other ZMF consultants with my readers. This year, I am expanding the blog to include their insights and experiences in visual, verbal and nonverbal communication. Starting today and throughout the next several months, you will see their posts interspersed with mine. I'll be responding to your comments as always and look forward to hearing from you soon.
All my Best, Theresa


President Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear of public speaking.” So, he didn’t actually say that, but the torment the average person feels in anticipation of standing alone before an audience can be overwhelming. You’ve seen the lists ranking public speaking as our biggest fear, ranking ahead of death. It prompted Jerry Seinfeld to say, that means, the average person at a funeral would rather be in the casket than give the eulogy.

Why do most of us dread getting up in front of an audience? Because we’re afraid we’ll screw up, forget what we were going to say, trip on our high heels stepping up to the podium or leave our fly open. I’ve done all three. We are afraid we will sound funny or look funny – any number of fears. Notice how many derivations of “we” and “our” were in the previous two sentences? There were seven. That’s the problem. Fear is generated by your self-consciousness, which is defined as being “intensely aware of oneself.” Talk about an ego trip. You know what? People don’t care if you’re nervous. It’s not about you.

To be an effective presenter you must get the focus off yourself. Why are people more outgoing and talkative after they’ve had a few drinks? Because their inhibitions are reduced, if not eliminated. Having a few drinks before a speech is distinctly not recommended. You don’t want to be too uninhibited. Following these steps will help get you in the frame of mind to be the best presenter you can be.

1. PREPARE: If you’re not prepared all the techniques in the world won’t help. Either write out or make a detailed outline of your entire presentation and practice it. Videotape your rehearsal so you can watch how you come across, most of us are mistaken about how we come across.
   
   
2. VOCAL & FACIAL EXERCISES: It is important to loosen up before you perform. You can find a variety of exercises on the Internet, such as exaggerated facial expressions and vowel sounds and recitation of sayings such as, “Sheep shears should be sharp.” Susan Berkley has a helpful two-minute warm-up.
   


3. IMAGING: This helps get the focus off you and onto the audience. As you wait to be introduced look at the audience and intently imagine what you want them to DO, not what to think or what to feel, but what to DO. You may want them to give you a standing ovation, or get out their checkbooks or text their colleagues about how important it is for them to have what you are selling. You give yourself a goal to keep in mind, which alleviates your nervousness.



4. GESTURE: You will have nervous energy. Rather than fidget or play with your wedding ring use that energy in a positive way. This is done by allowing yourself to gesture. It’s very simple. Just keep your hands apart and out of your pockets. Try not to hold onto anything or have your hands folded. You will normally and unconsciously begin to use your hands.



5. SILENCING: This accomplishes so many things. It is vocal punctuation. It’s a segue from one topic to another. It builds anticipation. It gives you a chance to breathe. When you practice, pause longer than you think you should.

If you follow these steps, the veil of your nervousness will be lifted and the audience will be able to learn what you are there to teach them.

Bill Grimes is a communication professional with more than thirty years of experience, the last eighteen of which have been at ZMF. His expertise as a communication consultant is built upon more than fifteen years as a broadcast journalist. Bill is frequently invited to speak about persuasive communication, media training and media crisis management.

(Photo by Victor Jeg at http://www.flickr.com/photos/28405532@N02/2814951286/; license details there.)

Words To Live By: Suffer For Beauty

Let's get started analyzing how my parents 'words to live by' relate to excellent communication to be used in the office, on a sales call or at home.

‘SUFFER FOR BEAUTY’

At first blush this may seem like a comment to make Ms. Steinem scowl. But before you link arms to plan a protest in front of my office believe me when I tell you this in NOT advice to wear four inch Manolo Blahniks, to sleep with soup cans on your head, or sign up to have your face surgically rearranged. Guys, this goes for you too. (Even though I am guessing only a couple of you know anything about the relationship of soup cans to hair.)

Speaking of heels, did you see that high heel shoes for baby girls are on the market? Come on people. What’s next, garter belt and fishnets. Stop it!!! What message is a heeled baby supposed to send? I cannot even answer that!

Ok, back to mom. The ‘suffer for beauty’ advice began as my mother’s way of silencing my yelps as she was combing a waist long ponytail. Not sure if she made this up but maybe she will comment and tell us how she came to this. (Mom?) Her point was not that long hair was more or less beautiful than other hair. It was, and is to this day, whatever you choose your personal persona to be, it should be represented at its best, and that may take a little suffering. You want long hair, it has to be combed. You want short hair, your pain is different but the commitment is the same.

In my mother’s eyes, paying attention to how you look sends the message to those around you that you respected them. Getting spiffed up at our house communicates that we care about each other. Making sure we were properly attired and groomed when going to work or a party or the gym sends the message "I respect YOU."

Recently I went to a birthday party and knew not a single person except he who brought me. This put me in a unique position to contemplate who had “suffered for beauty” and who had not. It doesn't take much effort to see those who respect their perspective over the hosts.

How to know if you are not suffering quite enough for beauty:

• Your family teases you about not owning a sport coat/suit to bury you in.
  
• You look around the room and you and the toddlers are the only ones wearing athletic shoes.
  
• The waiter is dressed better than you.
  
• You haven’t seen the back of your head all year.
  
• Your favorite tools for nail care are your teeth.
  
• No one ever asks your advice on what to wear.
  
• You think not washing your hair is somehow good for your scalp.
  
• You are trying to start a new trend and NOBODY is following you.
  
• You don’t believe that how you look reflects what message you are sending.

You can’t always wear the most comfortable shoes or the baggiest pants or a baseball cap. When your host, for example, has gone to great lengths to make himself and his office or home festive, to ignore the effort (or suffering) is to show disrespect or at the very least a lack of appreciation. When I comb my ponytail, I want you to comb yours too damn it!!

Spiff up. It says “I respect you.” An EXCELLENT communication for anyone, anytime. MOM, did I get it correct?

Don’t settle for an ordinary life
due to less than extraordinary communication.

My son failed his freshman rhetoric class this past semester. How is that possible with an expert in communication as a parent? Well, as we all know, whether you parent or not, anything is possible with teenage boys. He also failed chemistry, but who cares? Not me. (Okay so I want him to get A’s in everything, but between chem and rhet, I choose that he go through life not knowing the stability of elements with atomic numbers greater than 82 and instead he learn how to write, speak, use non-verbal behaviors and visual support to show up big in the world.) Being a good, no, a great communicator makes you a better student, employee, boss, spouse, lover, dog owner, father, daughter, okay, you get the idea.

I know how to communicate. Perfectly in fact. That doesn’t stop me from daily communication breakdowns. Sometimes I fail intentionally. Sometimes my emotions take over and I simply can’t help myself. Usually the failure is caused by a dose of mental or physical laziness. You have communication malfunctions too. Probably many more than you recognize or would like to admit. Let’s raise the bar. Come see me, talk to me, tell me your fears and failures. I take odds that most are caused by an inability to excel in areas of talking, writing, emoting, describing, etc. I looked at other blogs on these subjects and what to my wondering eyes did appear, only yesterday? A blog posting dedicated to the effective handshake. Come on people. How many times do you need to hear ‘don’t wear blue eye shadow’? Are you just not listening? It’s not your fault though. We lie to each other so much that one research report claims that as much as 30% of our daily communication is lying to each other. How do you know that your handshake is yucky if no one tells you? We will fix all that from the little things like handshakes to the big things concerning conflict negotiations and marital bliss.

This blog will be about communication; verbal, non-verbal and visual. This is not a grammar class. Please do not send corrections to my split infinitives or improper use of subjunctive clauses. I only recently learned that there was a difference between the words affect and effect. And I have to get my Strunk and White daily to check myself. Grammar is important. It is annoying when advertisers misspell words on billboards or blatantly use our language incorrectly to make a point. I write like I speak and leave the rest to spell check. I do try, however, and on a regular basis pay homage to the (wo)man who gave the grammar/spelling intelligence to the computer and took it away from those of us who are admittedly inadequate. At last I have a role model.

Check in regularly and you will find out why you are not that good at knowing how others perceive you and what to do about it. It’s not that you can’t get by without knowing. You have managed thus far. But you choose – ordinary or extraordinary.

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