Laugh at Yourself – It Makes You More Likeable

It seems everyone (here and here to show you just a few) is talking about the upcoming issue of Newsweek featuring Presidential contender Michele Bachmann on the cover. An “unflattering” photo is not a method for discriminating against gender. That it is Bachmann’s photo is not stereotyping a characteristic of the female gender. In fact, declaring that a woman candidate must look pretty on the cover of a magazine could be considered the gender biased position. Since I do not pay much attention to Ms. Bachmann and could not pick her out of a crowd, it was not readily apparent that this cover shot did not reflect a possible storyline. “I see the White House” or “Take me Jesus” come to mind.

At my house if an unflattering picture of you shows up, it is fodder for a little self-deprecating humor, which we know is a top-notch communication tool that attracts people and makes an individual more likeable. Instead of whining like a girl, Ms. Bachmann should pull out all her bad photos and do a “bad photo scrapbook.” And if she does not have enough of her own, I know plenty of women who are not afraid of their “bad side” who would be willing to share.

Whoa, Phil, know when to tune it down!

I’ve posted examples of bad corporate communication before – (see here, here, here and here). But just when I thought I’d seen it all, I stumbled across this video during my travels on Twitter today. This campaign speech by a candidate running for Stark County, Ohio Treasurer is going viral all over the web – and not in a good way. Phil Davidson is the poster child for Horrific Communication.

Mr. Davidson has a highly educated background, which includes a Master’s Degree in Communication, yet his delivery sounds more like that of a professional wrestler or raging bull entering a rodeo ring than a political candidate. I felt sorry for the people in the first row of his audience. No doubt with Davidson’s uncontrollable zeal they were both scared and spat upon.

There is so much wrong with the presentation that it is not even worthy of diagnosis. Given how awful the speech was, there’s a plethora of rules that were broken, such as his disjointed delivery, his quivery voice, the continued frantic pacing and obvious need for more rehearsal time. But my biggest question is where are his confidants? No doubt they too were frightened from the room.

Mr. Davidson could have saved himself from becoming the laughing stock of the Internet – by seeking honest feedback during his preparation. [And we know he prepared because he jumped back to his notes continuously.] Presentations should always be rehearsed – first, videotape yourself and play it back to make improvements, then as your preparation progresses gather a live audience to rehearse in front of – your family, your colleagues, your neighbors, any breathing person with a pulse. Just don’t trust yourself to deliver the speaker and the audience perspective. Someone should have told Mr. Davidson how far off the mark his delivery was and provided constructive comments on how to improve. This is comparable to those American Idol contestants who show up thinking they are the next pop star, but can’t hold a tune at all. Why didn’t their family members say: “You sound like a screeching bird, please don’t humiliate yourself on national TV.”

The whole speech was just so wrong that I am hoping it is a gag. In which case, our howls of laughter that rose exponentially with every sentence were justified.

Likeability in an essential component for any politician’s electability and Mr. Davidson is only likeable here for his comedic relief. Sadly, Mr. Davidson failed to win his party’s nomination for the treasurer campaign … can’t imagine why.

Examples of Good Corporate Communication Do Exist

In several previous blogs, we’ve highlighted examples of poor communication. From poorly worded media statements of companies in crisis making horrible word choices to poorly phrased email statements to downright awful corporate announcements which highlighted insensitive, inconsiderate and thoughtless communication by corporate leadership – poor communication is everywhere. However, occasionally, I run across an example of corporate communication done right.

A couple weeks ago, I read about the acquisition of deal-a-day website Woot by the e-commerce giant Amazon. I knew nothing about the Woot brand, their corporate culture or the deals of the acquisition, but the letter to employees written by CEO Matt Rutledge was nothing short of brilliant. He utilizes Cicero’s model of successful communication utilizing three essential ingredients: charm – teach – move.

For the full text, click here.

Throughout the letter, Mr. Rutledge employs Cicero’s model, but let’s look at a few specific things he did right:

1. His style is consistent with the brand and the corporate culture. A quick look at What is Woot? page on the website shows the company is snarky, clever, self-deprecating and uses humor during their customer interactions. Mr. Rutledge’s letter to employees utilizes the same tone in the very first sentence – “I know I say this every time I find a picture of an adorable kitten, but please set aside 20 minutes to carefully read this entire email.” His tone and clever delivery continue throughout the letter until the very last line – “Also, there will be six muffins waiting in the company break room, courtesy of the nice folks at Amazon.com. Welcome to the family!”

2. He directly addresses with employees how this change will impact them. He writes, “We plan to continue to run Woot the way we have always run Woot – with a wall of ideas and a dartboard. From a practical point of view, it will be as if we are simply adding one person to the organizational hierarchy, except that one person will just happen to be a billion-dollar company.”

3. He embraces what he knows will be employees’ “top 5 burning questions” (which really turn out to be only four questions). Nonetheless, the format is clear, concise and demonstrates he knows his employees and what their concerns will be. He outlines that company data forums, staffing, leadership and culture will remain unchanged, therefore quieting restlessness among the ranks about how these changes will impact them and their jobs.

4. He is likeable – his funny, self-deprecating style puts people at ease. He knows this news is big for the company and its employees, but he utilizes language to make the changes relatable to his audience. “This is definitely an emotional day for me. The feelings I’m experiencing are similar to what I felt in college on graduation day: excitement about getting a check from my folks combined with nausea from a hellacious bender the night before.”

While this style of writing would not work for every person, company or audience, the communication lesson is clear. As a communicator, your goal should be to provide your audience with content that grabs and keeps their attention. Integrating your personality, perfecting your tone and utilizing the corporate culture provide a positive experience for the audience and move them to action.

How to Knock Someone's Socks Off!

Combine energy with a smile and you get a magic personality. I had the benefit of working with a woman last week who knocked my socks off. Not because she was smart. Maybe she was, maybe she’s not. I have no idea if we share common interests. Don’t really know much about her at all. In four days, I only spoke to her a handful of times. What I did get to do is watch her. Nonverbally, (let’s call her L) L twinkled. Yes, I said twinkled. She had so much positive energy that men and women were naturally drawn to her. Kind of like a bug to one of those bug lights. Okay, so not like that. This quality is difficult to describe. On the face, it looks like a person who is meeting an old friend, or is opening birthday presents, or watching a toddler on a pony ride. There is generosity, warmth, surprise and curiosity. And movement, lots of movement. The body moves, hands move, legs, posture, feet ever shifting; not frenetically, but with interest and excitement. Hand gestures, lots of touching, and comfortable within her body.

So maybe this is not your style. But to make yourself just a little more likeable, show your energy in your own way. If you have a good voice, keep your hands away from your face, look people in the eye and speak to show your energy. If all you can muster is a smile, make it big and constant. Lean forward, use gestures, stand up, hug, wink, walk. Think Barney the big purple dinosaur. There is a reason he smiles, dances and waves his arms around. Energy is a magnet at any age. It was nice to meet you L.

My Thoughts on The Tiger Apology Part 1

As a communication expert, the Tiger Woods media statement today provided much to dissect. As a student of human behavior, there is much to discuss. As a human being, there is a great deal to ponder. 

Let’s first ponder the human behavior, then we can get to how well or poor he did communicating his message. 

Time heals all (or at least fades the scar) and in ten years (or much less) Tiger will have his fans, his contracts, his children, some semblance of his family and his community back in order. So how about doing some good in the mean time? Instead of having a nationally televised pity party or pulling the covers over your head back at rehab (which by the way is not one of the “normal rules” that “everyone” else lives by. Everyone else who sleeps with dogs (metaphorically speaking that is- I am sure they were all very nice girls) has to think about what they have done AND go back to work.) how about getting out there in front of all those “kids all around the world who admired” you and discuss the practicalities of your, uh, experience. Instead of saying you will now “become a better person” get out there and warn others against the same fate. 

I once read that to be called a hypocrite was not necessarily a bad thing. An alcoholic espousing the dangers of drinking is possibly more convincing than the warnings of a tea drinker. A reformed ‘mean girl’ might have more credibility with a group of teenagers than the high school counselor. So Tiger, I say to you in a country where most everyone believes that infidelity is the wrong way to go, yet one out every two married couples (or 1/3 or 1/4) has a cheater in it, why not become the poster man for ‘why not to be like me’. Make this your last appearance of public self-flagellation. Stop asking for our help (although using the ‘theory of reciprocity’ is a good communication strategy) and telling people that there is no good end for breaching another’s trust. Thus instead of saving yourself, which is what your statement was clearly meant to do, you might just save somebody else. 

I hope Tiger did good for himself today. And if the purpose of his statement was to do good for others, I hope that happens as well. But as a mere mortal who lives along side Tiger and millions of other imperfect people, here is what I wish he had said. ‘I have made a royal mess. My actions have had a huge and disastrous rippling affect. I have lost the trust of my mom, my wife, my children. My friends are mad at me for having affairs or for getting caught. My fans are disillusioned. My sponsors are holding on to their wallets. Disloyalty breeds disloyalty. I feel like worm slime. My own actions have made me lie, cry, gravel, plead, and that is just the speak able. I am telling you this today because for years I was a role model for what to strive for in life. I now stand before the same family, friends, fans, employees, fellow players and strangers to say, don’t do what I did. Use my actions and the consequences as a warning for what can happen to you and everything you touch if you “run through the boundaries” of your own values.’ 

Tiger should now keep still. Be true to his promise not to talk about details. No Oprah, no Barbara, no SNL to up his image. So, he did the deed (several times) along with millions of other men and women. That makes him a member of a not-so-special club. If he can make his actions result in something good, for society at large, then he will be special again. 

On Monday, I will blog on Tiger's use of specific language in the speech and then later in the week, I will cover Tiger's nonverbal communication.  In the meantime, tell me your thoughts on his media statement. 

Five Steps to Becoming More Likeable

In our previous posts on likeability, we discussed that likeability is truly at the root of personal and professional success and what factors influenced likeability. With that background, let's outline a few things you can do to increase your chances of being liked:

1. Generate optimism by describing challenges rather than stating problems. Spotlight what can be done instead of what can’t be done. Optimistic, passionate leaders generate more excitement and foster a “can-do” mentality. Who would you rather work with – someone genuinely excited about their work and shows it or a negative, moody individual who acts like they would rather be anywhere else?



2. Exert friendliness and sincere facial expressions. Research suggests that facial expressions account for more than half of likeability, so a sparkling but genuine smile can go a long way here. A smile should be more than just showing your sparkling whites; a genuine smile spreads to your eyes. A warm handshake can also promote friendliness and can start an interaction on the right path.



3. Look for humor even in tense situations. As the old adage goes ‘laughter is the best medicine’ and it seems in terms of improving likeability, laughter can truly medicate. We love those who laugh with us – it can quickly promote trust and establish rapport between others.



4. Acknowledge others and celebrate successes whenever possible and communicate gratitude privately, publicly and in writing. Send a personal thank-you, whenever you get the chance – it goes a long way. Ensure you are sharing in other’s victories by adding to the celebration.



5. Show you’re interested in things that are important to others. Take an active role in inquiring how someone’s holidays were and listen to their response. Most people love to engage in conversation about their kids, hobbies – the things that make them happy. Show your interest and they will respond to you.
   

What say you? Do you believe others find you likeable? What tips have worked for you at increasing your likeability?

Guest Post By: Kristin Fitzgerald

To Like Me is to Hire Me

Hi Readers - Thanks for visiting again. Another great guest blog this week from a fellow ZMFer Kristin Fitzgerald. Share your comments below ... I look forward to hearing from you. Until next time, Theresa


As we discussed several weeks ago, likeability is as (if not more) important than expertise and knowledge. Now you need to know what impacts likeability. Still to come, we will get to what you can do to improve your likeability level.

Here are a few of the factors associated with likeability:

• Physical Attractiveness – You are attracted to others according to their physical features. While everyone has a different barometer for what they find attractive, popular culture overwhelms us with ideas of how one should look. When you walk into a room for a meeting, what do you notice first about those you are meeting with? If you are being honest, you’ll admit you were likely paying attention to how they look and what they are wearing rather than the dialogue exchanged. These nonverbal artifacts are the cornerstones of the first meeting and the judgment you make about an individual, what you say comes much later. You have the most control over physical characteristics, which may be why you are held to a higher standard.

• Similarity – People are drawn to others who are “like you,” which is why the similarity factor is one of the most dominant factors of likeability. Being likeable means establishing camaraderie with the other party by asking questions or seeking additional information about them. Physical perfection can have its drawbacks for promoting likeability. If someone is threatened by your physicality, it may prevent further discussion or establishing a relationship. Similar experiences can help promote forming a bond to those around you. Truly likeable people expend additional energy to ensure they find a common element.
  
  The concept of mirroring also comes into play when we talk about similarity. You may not have a great deal in common with your audience, but through mirroring, you can bridge the gap between you and them. During the campaign, Obama was masterful at mirroring his nonverbal and verbal behaviors to his audience. Whether matching speech patterns to southern residents during a speech in Alabama or crossing his legs like the ladies of The View, Obama’s behavior allows audiences to feel more “at home” and differences dissipate.

• Complimenting – Take the time to notice someone’s extra effort and your acknowledgement will go a long way toward making yourself more likeable. If your boss recognizes your work, don’t you find him/her more likeable? While flattery won’t necessarily get you everywhere, it will get you on the road to being more likeable.

• Cooperation – This seems like common sense to me. If you enjoy the company of those you like. Compatibility is the key here. By working together and focusing on creating a more team-oriented atmosphere, those around you will find you more likeable and you will often see better results. Without cooperation, nothing gets accomplished – team projects stall, disagreements occur and resentment builds.

Do you agree with these factors? Which do you think is most important? Stay tuned for what you can do to make yourself more likeable.