Nice Ladies Can Be Incompetent Communicators

City Sticker Design Decision Gone Wrong

Because this is a blog dedicated to good communication and not good sense, let’s ignore the merits of Chicago City Clerk Susan Mendoza’s decision to dump the city sticker winner design due to the alleged similarity to gang symbols being present in the design. Let’s go straight to the manner in which she communicated the controversial decision to the public - which by anyone’s measure was a disaster. I do not know Ms. Mendoza and I will take Herbert Pulgar’s word for it that she is a “nice lady”. Yet, nice ladies can be incompetent communicators. Here is how it should have gone down.

1. Mendoza should have started with a heartfelt public apology to Herbie, his friends and family and especially his teacher who guided him in this competition.
   
   
2. She then should have been told of the difficulty in making the decision and named ALL the people she consulted and their credentials for assisting her. Using words like regret, sad, upsetting, empathy, etc. would have made her appear less icky.
   
   
3. Next she should have stated that the young Mr. Pulgar was believed to be blameless in the accidental association to gang symbols and that he would not be punished by taking away his $1,000 prize.
   
   
4. Ms. Mendoza should have been very quiet as to what the City was to do about a new sticker design. Let the dust settle on ousting Herbie before crowning a new king (or queen as it were).

I am sure I have more to say but the more I write the less rational become over poor Herbert. Did you see him? Gang promoter? Jeeeez!

Word Choices Matter

Mark Twain once wrote, “The difference between the right word and the wrong word is the difference between lightning and lightning bug.” Unfortunately, Mr. Twain’s words apparently did not make it to the eyes or ears of Carl-Henric Svanberg, the current Chairman of BP. On June 16th, Mr. Svanberg upset residents of the Gulf Coast when he told reporters, “I hear comments sometimes that large oil companies are greedy companies or don't care, but that is not the case with BP. We care about the small people.”

Granted, Mr. Svanberg’s first language is not English, so criticism of his “small people” comment might be unwarranted, but nevertheless, what is important for Mr. Svanberg and all corporate executives to understand, is that word choices matter. In fact, a recent study published in Health Communication, a scientific journal on healthcare communications, shows how the use of subtle word choices can influence and persuade the behavior of an individual without changing the meaning of the message.

If BP wants to survive the backlash of their numerous PR gaffes, they need to start becoming more sensitive with the choice of words they use to convey their messages. With their stock prices down nearly 50% in the last two months, they better hope it is not too late.

My Thoughts on The Tiger Apology Part 1

As a communication expert, the Tiger Woods media statement today provided much to dissect. As a student of human behavior, there is much to discuss. As a human being, there is a great deal to ponder. 

Let’s first ponder the human behavior, then we can get to how well or poor he did communicating his message. 

Time heals all (or at least fades the scar) and in ten years (or much less) Tiger will have his fans, his contracts, his children, some semblance of his family and his community back in order. So how about doing some good in the mean time? Instead of having a nationally televised pity party or pulling the covers over your head back at rehab (which by the way is not one of the “normal rules” that “everyone” else lives by. Everyone else who sleeps with dogs (metaphorically speaking that is- I am sure they were all very nice girls) has to think about what they have done AND go back to work.) how about getting out there in front of all those “kids all around the world who admired” you and discuss the practicalities of your, uh, experience. Instead of saying you will now “become a better person” get out there and warn others against the same fate. 

I once read that to be called a hypocrite was not necessarily a bad thing. An alcoholic espousing the dangers of drinking is possibly more convincing than the warnings of a tea drinker. A reformed ‘mean girl’ might have more credibility with a group of teenagers than the high school counselor. So Tiger, I say to you in a country where most everyone believes that infidelity is the wrong way to go, yet one out every two married couples (or 1/3 or 1/4) has a cheater in it, why not become the poster man for ‘why not to be like me’. Make this your last appearance of public self-flagellation. Stop asking for our help (although using the ‘theory of reciprocity’ is a good communication strategy) and telling people that there is no good end for breaching another’s trust. Thus instead of saving yourself, which is what your statement was clearly meant to do, you might just save somebody else. 

I hope Tiger did good for himself today. And if the purpose of his statement was to do good for others, I hope that happens as well. But as a mere mortal who lives along side Tiger and millions of other imperfect people, here is what I wish he had said. ‘I have made a royal mess. My actions have had a huge and disastrous rippling affect. I have lost the trust of my mom, my wife, my children. My friends are mad at me for having affairs or for getting caught. My fans are disillusioned. My sponsors are holding on to their wallets. Disloyalty breeds disloyalty. I feel like worm slime. My own actions have made me lie, cry, gravel, plead, and that is just the speak able. I am telling you this today because for years I was a role model for what to strive for in life. I now stand before the same family, friends, fans, employees, fellow players and strangers to say, don’t do what I did. Use my actions and the consequences as a warning for what can happen to you and everything you touch if you “run through the boundaries” of your own values.’ 

Tiger should now keep still. Be true to his promise not to talk about details. No Oprah, no Barbara, no SNL to up his image. So, he did the deed (several times) along with millions of other men and women. That makes him a member of a not-so-special club. If he can make his actions result in something good, for society at large, then he will be special again. 

On Monday, I will blog on Tiger's use of specific language in the speech and then later in the week, I will cover Tiger's nonverbal communication.  In the meantime, tell me your thoughts on his media statement. 

More Thoughtless Communication

Maybe my age is showing with my increased sensitivity to insensitivity. President Richard Levin of Yale was quoted in the New York Times this morning saying that he wrote an email to the Yale community stating “our hearts go out to Annie Le’s family, fiancé and friends, who must suffer the additional ordeal of waiting for the body to be identified.”

For you regulars, you may recall a few weeks ago when I blasted a local industrial company for "announcing" a death as if it were a second moon landing. Could President Levin have found more appropriate language than "the body"? What pray tell is his training? Apparently not sensitivity.

Let me hear from every non-Ivy League educated reader (not that there is anything wrong with that) with a better version of the message he should have sent.

How to Deliver Sensitive Advice / Information

Andy Griffith steered Opie through the perils of growing up by telling him stories about himself, Aunt Bee, Barney, Gomer, Goober and Floyd. Can you imagine sitting your 15 year old down to discuss why she should not wear her newly purchased $150 jeans so low that she has to spend an extra $75 waxing and starting with “one time when Aunt Bee was about your age….”? I am just not sure where the story would go from there. Mostly you would get that “and this has what to do with me” look. Or an even bigger stretch might be trying to give a life lesson to a newly hired MBA grad by relating how Floyd behaved his first days on the job.

So if Barney and Goober are of no help, how do we as parents, spouses, bosses, employees and just plain folks help the people around us see the light? The ability to give advice that enhances something besides your own ego is challenging. Try this 4-step TEST and let me know how it goes.

1. TEST 1
   Is your advice really solid advice that can be backed up with some empirical data or is it simply personal opinion? If the latter–STOP.
   




2. TEST 2
   Is it really advice or are you camouflaging a counter perspective and are too much of a weenie to step up and directly disagree. Either way, this is not solid ground for advice giving.
   




3. TEST 3
   Has your advice been asked for? If yes to #1 and #3 proceed. If nobody asked you then probably nobody cares. And, even if they do care and it is good advice, the fact that you gave your ‘recommendation’ without being invited to do so does something to the chemical activity in the brain causing thoughts similar to “who appointed you Dear Abby” to dance in the part of the brain that has the aggravation function.
   
   SUB-PART A OF TEST 3
   If your counsel has not been asked for, is it urgent that you give it anyway? And, if you feel you must give the advice, is there a way to give information and not make a behavioral recommendation which for some reason the human species defies? For example, “A large snake lives in that hole you are about to step in” versus “Don’t put your foot in that hole, there is a snake in there and he is going to bite you.” I guarantee the latter will at least some percentage of the time cause an otherwise rational person to put his foot in the snake hole just to prove you wrong.
   




4. TEST 4
   Are you the right messenger? Regardless, by all means try to hand the job off to someone else. You will be better off for it in the end.