To Like Me is to Hire Me

Hi Readers - Thanks for visiting again. Another great guest blog this week from a fellow ZMFer Kristin Fitzgerald. Share your comments below ... I look forward to hearing from you. Until next time, Theresa


As we discussed several weeks ago, likeability is as (if not more) important than expertise and knowledge. Now you need to know what impacts likeability. Still to come, we will get to what you can do to improve your likeability level.

Here are a few of the factors associated with likeability:

• Physical Attractiveness – You are attracted to others according to their physical features. While everyone has a different barometer for what they find attractive, popular culture overwhelms us with ideas of how one should look. When you walk into a room for a meeting, what do you notice first about those you are meeting with? If you are being honest, you’ll admit you were likely paying attention to how they look and what they are wearing rather than the dialogue exchanged. These nonverbal artifacts are the cornerstones of the first meeting and the judgment you make about an individual, what you say comes much later. You have the most control over physical characteristics, which may be why you are held to a higher standard.

• Similarity – People are drawn to others who are “like you,” which is why the similarity factor is one of the most dominant factors of likeability. Being likeable means establishing camaraderie with the other party by asking questions or seeking additional information about them. Physical perfection can have its drawbacks for promoting likeability. If someone is threatened by your physicality, it may prevent further discussion or establishing a relationship. Similar experiences can help promote forming a bond to those around you. Truly likeable people expend additional energy to ensure they find a common element.
  
  The concept of mirroring also comes into play when we talk about similarity. You may not have a great deal in common with your audience, but through mirroring, you can bridge the gap between you and them. During the campaign, Obama was masterful at mirroring his nonverbal and verbal behaviors to his audience. Whether matching speech patterns to southern residents during a speech in Alabama or crossing his legs like the ladies of The View, Obama’s behavior allows audiences to feel more “at home” and differences dissipate.

• Complimenting – Take the time to notice someone’s extra effort and your acknowledgement will go a long way toward making yourself more likeable. If your boss recognizes your work, don’t you find him/her more likeable? While flattery won’t necessarily get you everywhere, it will get you on the road to being more likeable.

• Cooperation – This seems like common sense to me. If you enjoy the company of those you like. Compatibility is the key here. By working together and focusing on creating a more team-oriented atmosphere, those around you will find you more likeable and you will often see better results. Without cooperation, nothing gets accomplished – team projects stall, disagreements occur and resentment builds.

Do you agree with these factors? Which do you think is most important? Stay tuned for what you can do to make yourself more likeable.

Body Language in the Press

Normally, when a ZMFer is quoted in the news, its published in the section reserved for "In the News". Today, we are breaking that rule for an article I was quoted in called "Body Language Decoded"- right on target for a blog about communication. Published on Forbes.com, the article does a great job of explaining how important nonverbal behaviors are in conveying your message to your audience. I love the specific examples and practical suggestions for improvement.

The Likeability Factor

It’s a well-known effect and it happens everywhere, regularly. You surround yourself with those you like. Coming off the biggest election in history, political pundits everywhere were talking about the “likeability factor.” In fact, you may have heard in the New Hampshire primary debate, when Senator Clinton was asked, “What can you say to the voters of New Hampshire who…are hesitating on the likeability issue?” Rather than furthering a discussion on health care, the economy or the war in Iraq, the moderator chose to ask a question about likeability. Why?

According to Gallup’s “Personality Factor Poll,” it turns out that, in politics, the single best determination of electability is likeability (and height – but that is for another post entirely). Not knowledge, not experience, not the candidate’s position on a specific issue – likeability. The likeability factor is a topic that could and should be paralleled to the everyday world. If you are willing to elect the leader of a country based on whether you like them (or not), shouldn’t working for, with and around people you like, be equally as important. Many CEOs and senior management should be grateful they are not elected by their constituents as many would likely end up with Kerry or McCain, at the bottom on the likeability heap.

When a new client recently hired us to help them improve their communication style in the real estate world, the conversation quickly turned to likeability. In their words ‘our business is about being likeable. You get business because decision makers choose to work with those they like and people refer business to those they like.’

In simple terms, if you visit a restaurant and eat food you don’t like, do you return again? Likely – no. You’ll just eat dinner at the restaurant down the street and look for a better dining experience. Not surprisingly, research reveals that people respond positively to those they like. Some studies suggest that in more than 80% of buying situations, an individual’s likeability was responsible for the decision-maker’s determination of who earns their business.

Those who are likeable regularly smile, laugh, show authentic concern for others and utilize eye contact to help convey their message and research says they are rewarded for their efforts. Likeable people are more successful, get elected, promoted or rewarded more often, make more money and get better service from all service providers.

I want to hear from you. What is your most important factor when selecting your hairdresser, your doctor or your babysitter – the person’s likeability or their knowledge? Would you ever go to a hairdresser/barber or doctor if you didn’t like them? Have you ever hired someone you didn’t like? If so, what drove you to work with them rather than hiring someone equally qualified?


Kristin Fitzgerald has been a part of the communication consulting team at ZMF since 1999. In her ten years with ZMF, Kristin has worked in both the research and multimedia departments to provide persuasive techniques to improve communication. Kristin has worked closely with clients on the development of intranets, newsletters design and to provide flexible communication solutions oriented to their audience.

Don't Sit Like a Stump – Unless the Other Guy Does It First

It is called mirroring. (See a vivid example of technique below.) The debate rages as to whether it [mirroring] is effective or not. That is, does it increase your chances of moving others if you mirror their nonverbal and sometimes verbal communication style? I don’t care about the debate so much. Bottom line is that by being more like those around you there is at least a smaller chance of being offensive so why not. My question is where do people learn this or is it innate? Did someone say to Barack, “Sit with your hands folded and your legs crossed so you don’t take up much space? Using space is seen as a dominant feature and you don’t want to do anything to bring about aggression.” Or, is Mr. Obama just self-aware enough to know that he should chameleon himself into his surroundings when the occasion calls for it. Or, is this how he sits whether waiting in the doctor’s office or being on national TV? He is a bit girly at times. I like that about a man myself.

I don’t teach my clients how to “read” other people’s behavior. Instead we help them understand what they may be doing naturally that is advancing or detracting from their success. It is more fun than it sounds…really. Some fixes are easy. Like an insurance executive who was not well liked by the higher-ups, one of whom decided that there was “something” about the way he interacted that needed to be “fixed.” Mr. Insurance was physically a big man who used a lot of space; too much space to suit his rather conservative and socially introverted bosses. It was an insurance company after all. At first he did not take kindly to simple suggestions that to him seemed trite. Did I mention he was Italian? [I know, insurance, Italian, what’s up with that?] But, in the end, he accepted that physical communication was certainly as important as the words coming out of his mouth, especially if the carefully chosen words were not being heard because of something else he was doing.

Mirroring can be a tool. Even if you don’t buy that doing what I do will somehow make you more likable; to me, it is difficult to argue that the inability to chameleon yourself to the interaction can be a distraction. Try it. Without looking like a mime, the next chance you get to slow down your speech, lean forward, fold your hands, tilt your head, pace, or any number of other behaviors, go for it. At a minimum you will entertain yourself.

[Leave me your comments using the "comment" button directly below this post. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts.]