Let's get started analyzing how my parents 'words to live by' relate to excellent communication to be used in the office, on a sales call or at home.
‘SUFFER FOR BEAUTY’
At first blush this may seem like a comment to make Ms. Steinem scowl. But before you link arms to plan a protest in front of my office believe me when I tell you this in NOT advice to wear four inch Manolo Blahniks, to sleep with soup cans on your head, or sign up to have your face surgically rearranged. Guys, this goes for you too. (Even though I am guessing only a couple of you know anything about the relationship of soup cans to hair.)
Speaking of heels, did you see that high heel shoes for baby girls are on the market? Come on people. What’s next, garter belt and fishnets. Stop it!!! What message is a heeled baby supposed to send? I cannot even answer that!
Ok, back to mom. The ‘suffer for beauty’ advice began as my mother’s way of silencing my yelps as she was combing a waist long ponytail. Not sure if she made this up but maybe she will comment and tell us how she came to this. (Mom?) Her point was not that long hair was more or less beautiful than other hair. It was, and is to this day, whatever you choose your personal persona to be, it should be represented at its best, and that may take a little suffering. You want long hair, it has to be combed. You want short hair, your pain is different but the commitment is the same.
In my mother’s eyes, paying attention to how you look sends the message to those around you that you respected them. Getting spiffed up at our house communicates that we care about each other. Making sure we were properly attired and groomed when going to work or a party or the gym sends the message "I respect YOU."
Recently I went to a birthday party and knew not a single person except he who brought me. This put me in a unique position to contemplate who had “suffered for beauty” and who had not. It doesn't take much effort to see those who respect their perspective over the hosts.
How to know if you are not suffering quite enough for beauty:
- Your family teases you about not owning a sport coat/suit to bury you in.
- You look around the room and you and the toddlers are the only ones wearing athletic shoes.
- The waiter is dressed better than you.
- You haven’t seen the back of your head all year.
- Your favorite tools for nail care are your teeth.
- No one ever asks your advice on what to wear.
- You think not washing your hair is somehow good for your scalp.
- You are trying to start a new trend and NOBODY is following you.
- You don’t believe that how you look reflects what message you are sending.
You can’t always wear the most comfortable shoes or the baggiest pants or a baseball cap. When your host, for example, has gone to great lengths to make himself and his office or home festive, to ignore the effort (or suffering) is to show disrespect or at the very least a lack of appreciation. When I comb my ponytail, I want you to comb yours too damn it!!
Spiff up. It says “I respect you.” An EXCELLENT communication for anyone, anytime. MOM, did I get it correct?
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